Bittersweet
by CrazyOtaku13
Summary: Despite what Loki and Natasha feel for each other, Loki feels that Clint is getting in the way. Based off the idea by applecoral. Blackfrost. Slight Clintasha.


**A/N: The original idea for this belongs to applecoral. 'Natasha is caught between Loki and Clint. Loki finds out and is forcing her to choose. He says that line "Because no matter how much you claim to love me..." and realizes Natasha would always choose Clint over him.'**

**I hope it all makes sense- I was trying to play off of several different scenarios. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

"So then Stark was pissed cuz I replaced his thing of vodka with water," Clint continued as he walked alongside Natasha.

She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess-he was too drunk to notice?"

"He noticed all right! He threw the bottle at me and I dodged, so Steve interfered and had to drag him off."

"Where were Thor and Bruce in all of this?" she wondered with a smile.

Clint chuckled. "Thor was already passed out and Bruce left early."

"So that's what I miss when I'm out?" she laughed.

"Stark wanted a guy's night," he shrugged.

She folded her arms across her chest. "He just wanted an excuse to drink without me there to kick his ass."

Clint continued to laugh. "So where were you last night?"

"Out," she coolly informed him. "A business dinner-nothing fun like _your _night." Lying to Clint far too easy. Truthfully, her night had been spent in her bedroom with a certain god of mischief. As of recent, Loki had been allowed to stay on Midgard, so long as he kept his promise to not try and overrule it. Everyone, with the exception of her and Thor, were wary of letting their past foe stay with them. Loki, however, had been determined to redeem himself, so Nick Fury allowed for it, so long as there was no trouble. Loki had been sharing Thor's penthouse level of the Avengers' Tower, but whenever Thor went out, he took it upon himself to visit that of a certain redhead's bedroom.

"Agent Romanoff," a familiar voice said from behind the pair.

Speak of the devil, and he shall come. "Loki," she acknowledged, stopping to face him.

"Were you busy?" he wondered. "Perhaps you two would like to join me for lunch?" he offered. All he really wanted was an excuse to be with _her. _Loki didn't care much for Clint, but if he could get into his good graces, the tension between them would hopefully fade.

Natasha stared at him apologetically. "Sorry, Loki. We have a briefing. Maybe dinner, though?" she suggested with a smile.

"Of course." He sadly watched the two walk off. Loki couldn't help but notice the way Clint could make her laugh in such a carefree manner. He had never been able to make her smile like that. Their relationship was more… _physical, _if anything. As Clint and Natasha rounded a corner, Loki turned on his heel and wandered off. While walking the halls of the S.H.I.E.L.D. base, he couldn't help but recall the previous night spent with Natasha. It was the same as any other night of theirs-the sharing of passionate kisses, followed by an exchange of 'I love you' while their bodies intertwined. Despite the honesty in her eyes, Loki felt as though she didn't truly mean it when she said she had loved him. She seemed far more at ease when she was with Clint-she would laugh and genuinely smile for him. It was obvious that she was in love with Clint Barton. He could tell from their very first encounter. 'Love is for children, I owe him a debt,' he recalled. That was a lie, if anything. Even if she truly meant that she loved Loki, deep down, he knew who _really _mattered to her. Since his plans with Natasha fell through, Loki transported himself back to his room at Thor's place. He plopped down onto his bed, staring up at the plain white ceiling. There was an aching in his chest- a familiar pain that he had to bear. Natasha was the only one to soothe the ache. She filled the empty void within his heart. Ever since their fateful meeting nearly one Midgardian year ago, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He had come to know Natasha fairly well, but not details of the information Barton had given him. Loki had come to know her favourite books, colour, food… but she never spoke of the deep dark secrets of her past. After Loki's imprisonment on Asgard, he came to Midgard to redeem himself. It was then that he apologized to Natasha for taunting her with memories of a past that she didn't want anyone (except Barton) to know…

_"Forgive me, Ms. Romanoff," he began, his eyes lowered. "I've wronged you by conjuring… unwanted memories."_

_ She simply stared at him, arms folded across her chest and lips pursed._

_ He took her silence as a negative response. "I understand Agent Barton is dear to you, so I should apologize for that, as well." His green eyes met with hers. _

_ Finally, she began to speak. "I've thought about those things you said to me. A lot, actually," she admitted. _

_ "And what of it?" he asked quietly, remembering the moment of his confinement within a glass cell._

_ "You weren't just talking about me, were you?" she asked with an air of confidence. "You were referring to yourself."_

_ He clenched his jaw. _

_ "'Something to make up for the horrors,'" she began to recite. "'But they're a part of you, and they'll never go away,'" she finished. "Thor told me about you… Who you are…" _

_ Loki clenched his fists at his sides. He didn't think she would read so deeply into his threats. _

_ She placed a hand over his fist. "We're two of a kind, aren't we?" She managed a small smile for him. _

_ In that moment, Loki felt his chest tighten. "Ms. Romanoff, you are the sole reason I am doing this," he suddenly admitted. "You have your flaws, yet you strive to redeem yourself of your past horrors."_

_ Her mouth fell open in surprise. _

_ "I admire you for who you are," he continued. "Because of you, I feel that there is hope for someone as flawed as myself…" _

_ Suddenly, Natasha was seeing a side to Loki that she didn't know existed. "They're not giving you enough credit," she smiled. "You're really not a bad guy."_

_ Loki returned the smile, grateful for Natasha's acceptance of him._

From that moment forward, they began to talk more and more. They began growing closer and learning more about one another. It didn't take long for Loki to fall in love with her. However, there was always someone coming in between them… Clint Barton. Natasha had been partners with the archer for years, making their relationship stronger. She never spoke of Clint whenever she was with him, but Loki frequently saw the pair together, as happy as can be. For that reason, he cherished any time he could spend alone with Natasha. He longed to be closer to her-not physically, but a more carefree and understanding relationship like what she had with Clint. Agent Barton knew a side to Natasha Romanoff that Loki could never reach. The closer he tried to pry, the more distant she became. She refused to speak a word of her past, despite the stories he told her of his own. Did she not trust him enough? He wondered just how long it would take for her to fully open up to him the way she did with the archer. Her body wasn't enough for him-he wanted to know the real Natasha- the Natasha who had said they were two of a kind. Loki soon fell asleep amidst his troubled thoughts of her. When he awoke, the clock on his nightstand read 6:17PM. Remembering his plan to have dinner with Natasha, he ran a hand through his rumpled hair before vanishing down to her penthouse door. He knocked twice, but there was no answer. "Natasha?" he called out after a third knock. Loki stood at her doorstep like a puppy waiting for his master to let him in. The aching in his chest returned as he thought of the possibility of her being off with Barton. Feeling dejected, he decided to return to his own home. To pass the time, he decided to walk all the way up to Thor's home on the top floor. Lucky for him, he happened to catch sight of Steve making his way up the staircase. "Captain Rogers."

The soldier stopped and turned to acknowledge him. "Loki." Steve, being the gentleman he was, smiled at the god. Over time, he had come to find Loki to be a nice guy. Not to mention the fact that Loki didn't understand any of the references people made gave them something to 'bond' over.

"Have you seen Agent Romanoff?" he wondered, trying not to sound desperate.

"Yeah, the Director had to send her and Clint off on urgent business."

"I see. Thank you," Loki replied with a forced smile.

Steve couldn't help but notice the evident sadness on Loki's face. "Do you wanna grab a coffee?" he offered. "I'm done for the day and was going to head down to the café and draw for a bit."

Loki didn't care for coffee, but gladly accepted the offer.

"I'll grab my bag and we can go," Steve smiled.

….

The next morning, Loki was rudely awakened by Thor barging into his room.

"Loki, I am going to pay a visit to the Hawk Man. Do you care to join me?"

He groaned as he sat upright. "You cannot simply barge into my chambers!" he growled. "And what of Agent Barton?" The main reason for his grumpiness was Barton-now Clint was suddenly popular with Thor, as well?

"You have not heard?" Thor asked. "Stark informed me that he was sent to the hospital."

Suddenly, Loki cared-but not for Barton's well-being. "And what of Ms. Romanoff?" he asked worriedly.

"She is fine," Thor assured his brother. "Do you wish to join me in visiting our friend?"

"Yes. Give me a moment…" Loki breathed a sigh of relief. He was grateful that Natasha was okay. Loki changed into a suit with one of his signature scarves. The only reason he agreed to accompany his brother to the hospital was because wherever Clint was, Natasha would surely follow.

Sure enough, Natasha was seated in a chair closest to Clint's bed. She was still wearing her uniform, which was covered in grime and what appeared to be blood.

"Is he conscious?" Thor asked.

"Drugged," said Natasha, her eyes focused on her partner's sleeping face.

"What happened?" Loki wondered.

"Barton shot at one of the guy's we were after, but it turns out he had a friend. He shot Clint in the arm, so I fired back," she quietly continued. "Except the second I shot, he fired at Clint's leg and brought him down…"

"Are you alright?" Loki asked, concerned. "Perhaps some fresh air…"

"I think I should stay here," Natasha informed him, her eyes lowered.

"There's something I have been meaning to ask…" Loki glared at Thor, mouthing for him to leave.

"I will go and get some coffee. Would you like some, Romanoff?" Thor wondered.

"No. Thank you," she replied, a bit irritated. She could hardly sleep at all last night, what with worrying about her partner.

Thor stepped out, leaving Loki alone to speak with Natasha.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"I don't think now's the time for this," she warned him.

"Natasha." His pleading eyes met with hers. "You are very dear to me-I have known this since the moment we met."

"Loki-…" Despite her attempt to stop him, he continued to speak.

"You told me that we were the same," he continued. "Natasha, I feel that you complete me. You are truly a glimmer of hope within my darkness and you make me want to better myself."

She couldn't bear to make eye contact with him as her cheeks grew hot. His words sounded so corny and old-fashioned, but a part of her felt flattered… and thoroughly embarrassed. "I really don't think now is the time for this," she reminded him. Right now, she had more pressing matters to worry about.

"What are we, then, Natasha?" The way she refused to look at him only made him angry. "I feel we share a special bond. You've said you love me, but what do you mean by that?" he prodded, taking a step towards her. "Is making love your definition of what we share?"

"Loki!" she hissed.

"Why is it that your relationship with Barton is so much more intimate than ours? What is it about him that forces you to push me aside? I try, Natasha. I try to better understand every part of you-every flaw-yet you _hide _it from me." His tone grew darker. "You've said you love me countless times, Natasha. I look at you now and wonder how I am to believe you!" He grabbed hold of her wrist.

Her eyes burned with anger. "Let go!" she growled.

"Tell me the truth, Natasha!" he demanded. "I love you, Natasha, but do you feel the same way about me?" He tightened his grip over her thin arm. "I want to know the truth! Because no matter how much you claim to love me-…"

"Wha the hell?" Clint groaned through half lidded eyes.

Natasha yanked her arm away and quickly reached out to her partner. "You had me worried," she admitted as she reached out to touch Clint's shoulder.

Loki's rage instantly turned to sadness. The pain in his chest hurt him more than ever before. No matter how much he loved Natasha, she clearly loved Clint far more. Once again, Loki was second best-that was all he ever was. He turned on his heel and briskly walked down the hall, nearly bumping into Thor along the way.

"Loki?" Thor noticed the way his brother had his head hung in defeat. "What happened?!"

"I'd like to be alone," he managed before vanishing into this air. Back in his own room, Loki threw himself onto his bed and began to curse aloud. No one loved him-no one _ever _loved Loki. Everyone loved _Thor. _Everyone loved _Clint Barton! _He grabbed one of his pillows and ripped it in half. A plethora of feathers came spilling out, covering Loki, along with his bed. In that moment, he remembered something his mother Frigga had once told him when he and Thor were children.

_"But I found him, Mother! I want to keep him!" Thor bawled. In his hands, he held a tiny baby bird that he and Loki had stumbled upon while exploring. The fair-feathered bird had injured its wing, probably from falling from its nest._

_"Now, Thor, you know we cannot keep him. Think of how worried this little bird's mother must be," said Frigga._

_"But he's mine!" Thor whined._

_Loki looked from his mother to the bird. "Thor, would you not miss Mother and Father if you were lost?"_

_Thor sniffed. "Yes."_

_"We can always come visit him," Loki suggested. "He must miss his family."_

_Frigga smiled. "You love the little bird, don't you, Thor?"_

_The blonde-haired child nodded._

_"Then if you truly love something, it is best to let it go."_

Tears fell from the corners of Loki's eyes. Yes, he told himself. He truly loved Natasha, and because of that, he was going to let her go. After all, he wanted nothing more than to see her smiling. He eventually drifted off to sleep, only to awaken to his brother's booming voice.

"Loki? Will you come out?"

"It's okay, Thor. I've got this," said Natasha.

Natasha! The faint sound of her voice was enough to get him out of bed. He threw open his bedroom door and was surprised to see her standing directly in front of him. Why would she be here when Clint was ailing elsewhere? "What?" he asked crossly.

Without a word in reply, Natasha slapped him across the face. Hard.

"Na-…" He covered his stinging cheek, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"_That's _for jumping to conclusions!" she snapped.

"I'm sorry?" he blinked."I'm afraid I do not understand…"

"Barton and I!" she shouted. "Dammit, Loki, he's my partner-my best friend!"

"Yet you love him, do you not?" he quizzically asked.

"No!" she yelled, her face becoming flushed. "Loki, he saved my life! I owe him big time!"

Loki was growing more and more confused.

"Don't give me that look!" she warned him. "Loki, I mean it when I say I love you. I mean it every time!" Her eyes met with his. "I love _you_," she admitted. Natasha could feel her face grow hot. This wasn't like her to get all flustered, but Loki seemed to have that effect on her.

A smile spread across his face. He felt relieved to hear her say the words he longed to hear.

"You… " she gazed into his eyes. "You remind me of myself-you understand me…" Natasha was failing for the right words to say and she bit down on her lip. Until now, Natasha hadn't realized just how much faith she had put into Clint. She trusted him with her life and her life story, all because he gave her a second chance. Maybe it was time to let someone new in-someone who could understand. A person with flaws like herself… "I want to tell you everything. But when it comes to dealing with my past, I don't know where to begin," she admitted. "I never _wanted_ to tell Clint. I just felt I could trust him…"

"Do you trust me, Natasha?" he wondered.

She fixed her gaze upon his jade-green orbs. "Yes."

"That's all I wanted to know," he calmly assured her. If she could trust him, then in time, she would surely let him in.

"I love you, Loki," she breathed. She stood up on her tiptoes so her lips could meet with his.

Loki wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "I love you, Natasha." Finally, Loki felt the feeling of acceptance he had always longed for. He had the woman he loved in his arms loving him in return. Now, Loki didn't have to settle for second best.


End file.
